The Inability to be a Good Friend
by synchthebeat
Summary: When Nitori comes back to the dorm one night late and clearly upset, Rin can't help but worry. / Rubbish summary x100 - will contain Rin x Nitori as a friendship. / Rated T because Rin.
1. Part One

**A/N: **A friend of mine wanted me to write a Rintori fic with an upset Nitori and a worried Rin but really, I'm shit at writing this kind of stuff. I'm shit at writing a lot of stuff. I'm not really sure how badly I've done or w/e but here we go. I'll probably continue this if people want me to do but even though there's a lot of unanswered questions, I'm probably not going to because I'm really bad at keeping people in-character, gomen. They're even really out of character in this, I'm really sorry.  
**Word Count: **2,144  
**Pairing: **Rin x Nitori as a friendship, I think.

* * *

22:48.

That was when the worrying had started. It wasn't necessarily odd for Rin to head back to the dorm before Nitori if they happened not to go back together, but for it to be the other way around was far too strange. He didn't like to admit out loud that he cared for his roommate, but his small chatty kouhai was really a likable person. For him to still not be back…

23:00.

Originally, he had simply thought to himself that the kid would have his reasons; maybe he was visiting a secret girlfriend or some shit like that and they were having some great time together or something. Seems common sense to say if you'll be late back though, doesn't it?

Realizing that just thinking about it was useless, Rin had attempted to call Nitori's mobile but with unsuccessful results. Every time, the number was engaged. All he wanted to do was leave him a message with who knows how many insults and threats until he picked up, but decided against it. Honestly, that would probably have the complete opposite effect of what he was wanting but the idea of outright asking him to leave a message about where he was when he eventually looked at his voicemail made him feel stupid.

23:15.

To bed he had gone.

"If he doesn't come back in the door by midnight and so long as I'm not actually asleep, I'll do something about it."

23:46.

As tired as the cerise-haired boy was, he had found it impossible to discard any thoughts of Nitori's absence. He yawned and clicked the button on the side of his phone. "Why is he still not here?" he muttered to himself, squinting his eyes at the bright light shining on his screwed-up face. After lightly throwing the gadget to the side, Rin rolled onto his back and threw his arm over his eyes.

_'Damn it, Nitori.'_

23:57. The current time and three minutes before Rin would've began asking around.

When he hears the click of his room's door opening, the boy stays still and silent. On his side now, he does all that's possible to keep his eyes shut. Quiet steps reach his ears and the door is softly closed. _'Nitori.' _He spoke a heck of a load but when he walked, he was surprisingly near-silent. Total opposite of the captain—no doubt about it.

"Matsuoka-senpai? Are… Are you awake?"

Hearing his name, the first thing he wants to do is respond to him, but something inside his brain tells him to stay quiet. Something about the way his kouhai had just spoken makes him feel uneasy but if he was asked why, he probably wouldn't be able to really answer.

A sigh comes from the direction of the younger and sounds of a bag being slid off and carelessly thrown aside reaches Rin's ears. Something was up, he knew it. But even if he asked, would the kid tell him? Some time past midnight to boot? The answer according to the red-haired boy was a no. _'There's no problem in leaving it until tomorrow,' _he decides, shuffling his legs slightly.

The room stays silent except for the sound of zips and fabric. Damn, Rin wants nothing more than to just turn around, march up to the kid and ask where the fuck he'd been the whole time and why he didn't call him back, but it's late at night and now isn't the perfect time to start shouting at someone that doesn't seem particularly happy. When he hears the noise of clothes being strewn around in different places, the swimmer is very nearly tempted to do what he told himself not to - Nitori was the kind to fold his clothes and set them in neat piles, not scatter them everywhere – but just barely restrains himself.

Is he being difficult by not just turning around and expressing his worry? Yeah, probably.

Half-dragged footsteps are heard before ladder climbing, bed movement and then silence. It's at this point that Rin finally turns round to view Nitori's handiwork and—_'Fuckin' hell.' _Thoughts of trying to make it seem like he was asleep leaves his mind as he slowly sits up, surveying the floor in bewilderment.

Nitori's clothes are everywhere, like he'd just thrown them without a care in the world. His bag is sitting open on the opposite side of the room, the contents halfway spilled out. Rin can do nothing but simply stare for a while, wondering what sort of shit the kid sleeping above him was thinking. Was he going to try and wake up earlier than him and clean everything up before he noticed?

Before he even really has time to think though, he hears something that is even more unexpected. _'Nitori?' _ Rin sits for a while, listening as closely as he can to any sounds from the bed above him.

Again he hears it: sobbing.

From the way they only pop up now and again and how they tend to be muffled, he can only conclude that his roommate is trying to be quiet about it, even if he did seem to think the shark-toothed boy was asleep. Honestly, he considers just leaving him alone and going to sleep – personal things were usually more trouble than they were worth – but hearing his…friend clearly upset isn't something he wants, no matter how much he denies that he cares.

Over time, the silver-haired boy had become more and more like a younger sibling to Rin. If he saw the kid upset or struggling to do something or needing support, his brotherly instincts that usually kicked in with Gou began kicking in with him as well. He couldn't say why or even if it really was brotherly instincts, but it was enough to make him concerned over the condition of his fellow swimmer.

With an inaudible sigh, Rin reaches up to the top metal bar above his head and, feet still on his mattress, pulls himself up.

When he looks over the barrier of the top bunk, all he sees is a big plump of blanket. It's quiet now and there's no movement but he knows the kid is still awake. A straightforward approach didn't seem like it would work, but honestly, there was no other option right now. Sniffs appear from under the cover and a pang of sorrow hits Rin straight in the chest. Hearing Nitori like this was fucking heartbreaking for him - he knows that whatever it is, he probably can't help with.

_And it fucking hurts._

"Oi, Nitori," he eventually whispers. "Hey, I know you're awake."

Slowly but surely, the younger boy pulls the blankets over his head. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, that doesn't matter. Are you… Are you all right?"

The only question he really wants to ask is where the fuck he's been, but it doesn't seem like something his kouhai would be willing to talk about and he really doesn't want to make him clam up in any way. If he can just ease the information out of him…

"Yeah! I'm perfectly good! Why?"

_'Fuckin' idiot. Your nose is still clogged with snot from your crying.'_

"Do you think I'm fucki—Do you think I'm stupid? I know something's up." Honestly, Rin doesn't like the idea of Nitori crying himself to sleep. If he has to sleep with him, he will; if he has to stay up the whole night comforting him, he will; if he has to give him advice, he will. _'Just tell me what's wrong.'_

The moonlight filtering through the windows hits Nitori's face enough for Rin to see a smile appear on the silver-haired boy's lips but there's just something... "Ah, nothing's wrong at all, Senpai!" The older is about ready to just interrogate him until he answers, but something sparkling on the other boy's right cheek catches his attention. He sees the shaking and jerking and it clicks.

"Oh, whoa whoa whoa." Without even thinking about it, Rin jumps off his bed and scrambles up the metal ladder. By the time he gets his hands on Nitori's shoulders, wails are flying from the younger boy's mouth. Apologies are mixed in with those cries and in a state of panic, Rin wraps his arms round him and pulls him close. He knows himself that he's horrible in situations like these, especially since he's never seen Nitori so distressed in his life. All he can do is follow what his mother used to do whenever he was the one upset. "Hey, shh, shh, shh, it's okay, come on. What's wrong?"

More apologies are all that Nitori speaks, though they become muffled against Rin's bare chest. Cold tears transfer from the small first year onto the taller second year and as each second passes, the older admittedly begins becoming desperate. _'Come on, stop crying, please.' _It hurts to see what feels like a younger brother to him crying so hard, and it hurts even more when Nitori tightly grips Rin's shoulders like his life depends on it.

It hurts because he can't do anything to stop those tears streaming down his friend's cheeks.

Marks will no doubt be left on his shoulders after tonight, but it doesn't bother him. All he wants is for Nitori to be all right. _'Is that too much to ask for?' _He hesitates slightly, but begins lightly massaging his friend's back with his left hand. "You haven't done anything wrong, Nitori," he mumbles, tightening his grip on the boy with his right.

Gradually, the boy becomes quieter and quieter, until he speaks. "I've done plenty of things wrong." Rin pulls back from the shivering mess in surprise at both the fact it wasn't an apology and the answer itself.

"Everyone's done things wrong in their life, idiot." Rin is surprised at how soft his voice becomes, but he doesn't make any attempt to change it – he needs Nitori to stay calm.

"You don't understand, Senpai."

Rin is almost frightened when he looks down and sees how drained his kouhai looks. Something about the way Nitori slouches and lets his arms simply drop off of Rin's shoulders made it seem like he'd…given up about something. _'He just…looks so ill.'_

"I'm all right now. You can go back to sleep, Matsuoka-senpai."

Rin doesn't believe him.

"I'm not leaving you. You clearly aren't okay." As embarrassed as he feels about so outwardly expressing his concern, he knows that now isn't the time to worry about acting differently. Right now, Nitori's acting a lot more differently than he is and that frightens him even more than just how he physically looks.

"I can go to bed by myself. I'm not a kid."

"But you're freezing!"

"That's what blankets are for."

"But—"

"I told you I can sleep by myself!"

When Nitori shouts, Rin jumps out of his skin. There was so much…_anger _in that one sentence. It pains him knowing that that shouting was directed at him. The cerise-haired boy says nothing else – he doesn't need Nitori to become more aggravated. He simply lays the boy back down on his bed, pulls the blanket over him and heads to climb down the ladder.

"Good night, Senpai."

Tears of frustration begin pricking at the corner of his eyes as he hears his kouhai's small voice say those words.

"…Night, Nitori."

When his feet touch the wooden flooring, he mutters a, "Sweet dreams" under his breath and turns to head to his bed, but the clothes scattered all over their bedroom floor leaves a constant reminder of what just happened. And also what didn't. The tears that had begun forming eventually start to fall slowly as Rin begins sorting the mess of fabric. The shark teeth contained within his mouth bring in his bottom lip and bite sharply, continuing to bite deeper even after he bleeds.

Nitori had listened to him and comforted him and given him advice when he began talking about things that troubled him or about things in his past that he'd never even told those at Iwatobi. He's supported him and cheered him on with his swimming, supplying him with towels and getting him drinks. Though he sometimes runs his mouth too much, he has good intentions and Rin knows that. He's cheered the little kid up before for simple things like failing a test or getting in trouble for things he didn't do or even just having a period of not improving his times. But now that something was seriously up with Nitori, he couldn't do a single goddamn thing to make him feel better.

No matter how intimidating he may come across sometimes, Rin can't honestly deny that he deeply cares for Nitori. And that's what makes his inability to do anything useful hurt that much more.

_'God-fucking-dammit!'_

* * *

**A/N: **Well then, there we go. Sorry that it's pretty shit but there we are. In regards to things like Rin's cut-down of swears when talking to Nitori, I'm reminding you here that he wanted the kid to be calm. He didn't want to intimidate him in any way shape or form, and talking to him in swears isn't the best way to go around doing that. Also, the question of where he was wasn't properly asked and wasn't answered because Rin didn't find it the best time to ask. That's all there really is to it.

If you want me to continue, then feel free to say. I'm not sure how I'll go about doing it, but I wouldn't mind if people wanted me to write more of this, even if they go pretty ooc uwu


	2. Part Two

**A/N: **People wanted me to continue this off of as well, not just on it, so I've just decided to continue it. I will try not to be so negative about my writing from now on ww I hadn't really planned what was going to happen after that whole night time thing, so it might seem a lot less...detailed than the first part? And maybe rushed because of that? And I apologize about that, but I hope you can still enjoy it somewhat! (*´∀｀*)  
**Pairing: **Rin x Nitori as a friendship  
**Word Count: **2,392

* * *

Rin wakes the next day with getting close to no sleep. He groans as he turns off the alarm on his phone and sits up, tiredly rubbing his eyes. _'Why am I letting something like this fucking get to me?' _If he had the choice to just stay in his bed and sleep, he probably would. But training was important; he couldn't miss it for a reason as stupid as laziness.

"Hey, Nitori. You up?"

No reply.

Just like last night, the boy grabs the metal bars above his head and pulls himself up. There, staring at him with bright, intense eyes, is Nitori, wide awake. "Jesus fucking Christ!" With a shout, Rin accidentally lets go and starts to fall back, but quickly reaches forward and grabs the bottom of the barrier. "You gave me the fright of my fucking life, Nitori! Why didn't you respond!?"

Nitori laughs, still curled up under his blankets and the red-haired boy can't help but give a small smile. It was nice to hear a laugh that sounded genuine come from the small boy after the events from the night before. _'He seems better from last night somehow.'_

"I did respond though!" That smile quickly fades when Nitori speaks. It's croaky and unbelievably quiet. "I'm sorry, Senpai, but I really don't feel up to running this morning." That curve of the lips present on the first year's face suddenly seems a lot faker than that laugh a few seconds ago.

"Does something hurt? Do you feel sick?" Rin tries as hard as he can to make his voice sound soft, but well…it's the morning and his voice is still raspy.

Nitori shakes his head. "I'm just a little bit tired."

Lies. Even if there _are_ differences between both of their personalities, Rin knows that there're similarities as well. Just like he wouldn't skip training because of laziness, Nitori wouldn't skip training simply because he was "just a little bit tired".

"If there's something wrong, just tell me."

Those are the words he wants to say to the boy lying there, but they don't come out of his mouth. Showing kindness wasn't something Rin could do easily. It's not that he didn't want to, he just didn't know how to do it properly; how to not end up in a situation where he doesn't know what to do; how to actually make the other person feel happy to have confided in him and trusted him. _Giving advice for serious situations isn't something the boy finds easy._ Usually, it's not something he would think about it, but Nitori still isn't his old self and that isn't what Rin wants. He certainly thinks the silver-haired boy looks _better _somewhat but he still seems _ill._

"What about practice? Think you'll be okay for that?"

Rin notices the way the smaller kid bites his lip and looks away. _'Shit! I didn't make him feel bad, did I?' _Again, he thinks back to what his mother did in situations like these. _'Checked my temperature…? It's a caring gesture, right? I don't want to seem like some heartless bastard.' _He looks down at his hand, back to Nitori, back to his hand, back to Nitori, back to his hand and back to Nitori again.

The older begins fidgeting with one of the metal bars out of nervousness and embarrassment and slowly brings his other, unoccupied hand to his kouhai's forehead. "Senpai?" When Nitori chuckles, Rin blushes and glances abashedly to the side. Despite how he feels though, he can't help but notice the sweat clinging to the boy's forehead. And his hand. He pulls back and looks closer at his roommate, attempting to be at least a bit more observant. Straight away, the first thing he notices is the small bags under Nitori's eyes. They weren't as bad as if there were multiple days of no good sleep, but Rin still can't help wondering whether he really got to sleep the night before.

_'Should I just…ask?'_

"Y-You feel pretty warm so maybe you should just…rest today, y'know?"

_'You fucking moron! If Nitori can't sleep, then that's something you need to know!'_

"So, say, uh, did you—whoa, hold the fucking bus!" Without thinking, Rin immediately reaches forward and grabs Nitori's hand as he goes to sort a strand of his fringe that had been stabbing his eye. The younger boy shrieks as Rin yanks the hand closer to him and examines the knuckles. "What the fuck happened here!?" Screw the soft, gentle approach. "Here, have you been in a fight or some stupid shit like that!?" Every knuckle on Nitori's left hand was bright red and dried up blood that had oozed from peeled skin appeared in splotches on his fingers. Nitori attempts to pull his hand away, but the two of them already know that Rin is stronger.

"It's nothing!" The kid shouts, but Rin isn't faded by his desperate voice anymore. If the person who caused Nitori to cry as badly as he did the night before had had a _fight _with him, then they're fucking dead. Even just _remembering _last night made Rin frustrated and angry at himself and absolutely fucking pained for Nitori. "Get off!"

"Who did this to you?" Rin's voice lowers to a growl as he continues to stare at the damage done.

"Nobody! I'm telling the truth, Senpai!" The cerise-haired boy 'tch's and throws the kid's hand aside. He can see that he's going to get no answers but he needs to get going for his morning run. A tense silence lingers in the room as he slips on his usual gear. Rin can feel Nitori's deep blue eyes burning into him as he throws his school clothes into his bag and zips it shut.

He throws the straps of the bag over his shoulder harder than intended and has to sort them again as they begin to slide down. _'Stop pretending everything's fucking fine, Nitori!' _Rin goes back to biting his lower lip as he makes his way to the door, but turns round before he completely exits. "Hey, uh…contact me if…if you need anything. I'll keep my phone turned on in class."

No response.

"…Get your knuckles looked at, okay?"

Still no response.

Rin squeezes his eyes shut as he closes the door behind him and musters as much self-restraint as he can manage to avoid shouting and punching the wall. _'Deep breaths, Rin. Deep breaths.'_

* * *

Throughout the school day, Rin gradually feels more and more guilt for the events of the morning. He realizes that it was rude of him to just roughly grab someone as small as Nitori and to jump to conclusions was even worse. Knuckles can get damaged for other reasons than just fights, but that was the first thing he thought of. _'Why am I so fucking useless at this kind of stuff?'_

His teachers call him out now and again at the start of each class for being unfocused, but afterwards, just leave him to stare out the window or at his table. People would usually come to the conclusion that someone of Rin's temperament would have pretty shit marks in tests and do pretty fucking horrible in class, but one fact that's forgotten often is that good grades gives a good reason for a good coach to recruit you. He wouldn't say he's the smartest in the class, but he tends to get at least 75-80%s in the majority of his subjects. The teachers know he isn't a delinquent so seem to catch on that something's up: a lot of them approach him to ask him if he's okay or if anything's wrong and Rin's getting pretty sick of answering the same thing over and over again.

"No, Miss, there's nothing wrong."

"Yes, sir, I'm positive that I'm fine."

They leave him at that and Rin does what he can within the period.

The boy is relieved somewhat when no calls from Nitori appear by the end of the day, but the idea that something might have happened to make him unable to call like he'd collapsed or fallen off his bed or injured himself causes the worry and guilt to build up again. "Should I call him…?" he mutters, staring at the silver-haired boy's name in his contacts. _'But if he's asleep, then I don't want to wake him.' _Sighing, he stands up from his seat and slips his phone in his trouser pocket. It's not something he'd probably admit out loud, but all Rin really wants to do is go check up on Nitori and look after him, not go to swimming practice. But having two roommates missing is just a tad suspicious and having rumours circulate didn't seem like the best thing for the condition Nitori seemed to be in.

* * *

"Oi, Yoshida!" Rin hears the captain shouting the name of one of the first years as he walks into the pool area, adjusting his goggles on his head. As the small brown-haired kid walks as fast as he can over to the red-haired man, Rin beings making his way over as well. _'I haven't really been much use to Nitori for the past few hours; the least I can do is tell Seijuurou that he's ill so he won't be chewed out for skipping practice.'_

"Was Nitori in class today?"

_'So he's one of Nitori's classmates, huh?' _Despite having lived in the same dorm room for a couple of months now, Rin didn't know much about what went on with Nitori at school. He passed him sometimes in the hallway when changing classrooms or going on messages; he chatted with him at lunch, too. Now and again, he would help the kid with any of his homework or revision so long as it wasn't History, but there was never any discussion about funny things that happened in his class or who said what to some teacher like he imagined Nitori to be like. Thinking about it, whenever Rin had caught glimpses of the kid with his gym class, he was always sitting or standing on his own. He didn't mind the company when his kouhai sat with him during lunch, but he'd always wondered whether the kid only ate with him to stop him from being on his own; most people were generally scared off by how Rin looked and spoke.

_'Does that mean he has his reasons for not going with anyone el—'_

"Yes, sir. But he collapsed during class and was sent back to the dorm."

That one sentence has Rin charging for the duo. "Are you sure that was him!?" he shouts, voice desperate as he stares with wide eyes at the defenceless first year.

"Y-Yes, it definitely was."

"That fucking idiot! I told him that he should rest today!" Rin sees the frightened figure of that Yoshida kid and notices the confused but surprised look from Seijuurou as he angrily whips the goggles off of his head and heads back to the changing rooms. He ignores the shouts from his captain to hold on and continues his rushed march back to his locker.

_'I told him right to his face that he should rest! Right to his fucking face!'_

The captain appears as he's halfway finished changing. "Care to tell me what that was all about?" he asks calmly, leaning against the entrance to the empty room. "Care to tell me why you're leaving practice before you've even started as well?"

The only sounds that can be heard for a while are the echoes of the water splashing from swimmers diving and shouts from people giving commands or helping with time trials.

"…It's none of your business," he finally responds, zipping up his school jacket and glaring at his captain.

"As the captain of this team, it's my responsibility whenever members skip practice. I know you aren't the kind to skip out on a session without reason, but you could at least let me know what that reason is."

"When I say it's none of your business, it's none of your fucking business." Rin throws his bag over his shoulder and begins to head out, but Seijuurou blocks his path. "The fuck are you doing?"

"It's got something to do with Nitori, doesn't it?"

"Get out of the fucking way."

When the older man shows no sign of movement, Rin marches forward and attempts to barge him out of the way with his shoulder, but his captain is ultimately stronger and beats him in height to boot. "Did you get in a fight with him or something?" This causes Rin to stop for a split second, that guilt and worry and anger and frustration all hitting him at once, but he quickly returns to trying to shove his way out of the room. "He must have hit you pretty hard, huh?"

This really causes Rin to stop for a while and simply look up in genuine confusion. When Seijuurou points to his lip, it clicks. _'I never knew my teeth were sharp enough that it would leave that much of a mark.' _Yeah, it stung like fuck after he'd bit into it, but it's not like his first thought was, "Yeah, let's go look in a mirror and admire the damage I've done!"

The second year still gives no information as he continues to attempt to get through. "Just get out of the fucking _road!_" He puts as much power as possible into his shove as he speaks the last word and somehow makes it past. Rin doesn't have any intentions of looking back as he speeds away, but thankfully, Seijuurou doesn't say anything else to him.

He doesn't mean to, but the anxious feeling that had decided to piggy-back onto the rest of Rin's fucking irritating emotions causes him to begin frantically biting at his lower lip. When it bleeds, he doesn't care.

The only thing that he can think about is Nitori.

_'I never did a fucking thing to make sure he was comfortable. I never really made sure that he would stay in the dorm and rest, either. All I did was shout at him and yank his fucking arm out of its socket!'_

And once again, Rin squeezes his eyes shut, doing all he can to stop those tears from falling once more.

* * *

**A/N: **I apologize for possible out of character characters.

One of the reviews mentioned about having this relationship lead to something more than just friendship and idk, if you guys want it, I'll do it! So if you want it, tell me, if you'd rather they stayed friends, tell me that too! I imagine a lot of people come on here for the more...romance pairing than the friendship pairing, but eh. I'm no good at romance but I guess I gotta learn, huh?

Also, if there's any sort of scenes you want to happen between Rin and Nitori throughout this (kinda like prompts in a way but not really), feel free to message me them or however you'd like to tell me! If it's not something I'll be able to implement into this, I'll just write a separate fic for it, no big deal. Just a wee short thing. Or possibly long depending on what it is ww

By the way, I used "hold the bus" in this but I don't know if it's only people round here that really frequently use that phrase. Idk, does anyone else use it? ww

Ah, one last thing! Thank you, reviewers and favouriters and followers! (｀・ω・´)


	3. Part Three

**A/N: **I got halfway through writing this and realized that I'd completely forgotten about Rin's reaction to everything with Haru. And suddenly took a block and had no idea what to write. Like, I don't know if this is sort of an alternate timeline or it's after things have calmed down or something. I don't think I can really answer that question until the series ends. Idk, if anyone can help me with this, I'd really love that. Because I haven't mentioned Haru once throughout this and I'm wondering if I should or what. I really don't know. I have a lot of motivation for the Rintori pairing, but I just...don't know how to make everything happen. Damn, I'm pretty bad at planning things.  
**Pairing: **Rin x Nitori as a friendship (this has a possibility of changing i don't know)  
**Word Count: **2,546 (they just slowly get bigger)

* * *

Rin reaches the door to his room but…now what? Nitori was inside there in an unknown mood and an even more unknown condition. _'I mean, did he make it back here all on his own…?' _The events from this morning still weigh on the boy's mind and he can't help but hesitate as he stares at the plank of wood. An assortment of facial expressions appear on his face as he cycles through his limited choices.

_'I could walk in…and possibly face a moody Nitori…?'_

Normally, that wouldn't bother him – he's had fights with Nitori in the past – but what had happened that morning was a heck load more severe than those petty little things that had happened before. For those, it just took a few days for it to be sorted, but this didn't seem like something that could be easily cleared up, just like that. Even if they talked about it, there was no doubt in Rin's mind that their relationship would still be shaky.

The fact is that Rin had only just seen a wailing Nitori the night before. And when a reason exists, it's not something that can be ignored and forgotten.

_'Seijuurou doesn't share a room with anyone but I…really don't want to see him just now.'_

Both Rin and Nitori had shared rooms with Seijuurou at some point or another when some fight had broken out between the two and they refused to sleep in the same room as each other. The captain was always perfectly happy to listen to either one ranting and was just as happy to give advice on the situation. Rin didn't mind when the older hung around with him – he wasn't an unpleasant person to be with – but this was just one of the cases that he didn't want to talk about.

Rin nearly suggests sleeping outside but quickly throws the idea out the window. Just walking in would honestly be a lot easier; what happens next, he'll just have to try and get through somehow.

After taking a deep breath, the boy reaches forward and rests his hand on the handle. "Just open the door, Rin," he mutters to himself, drumming his fingers on the metal. Just like before, he unconsciously begins biting on his lower lip - though not hard enough to break the skin – and opens the door, albeit rather slowly.

The first thing he sees is Nitori staring at him with surprised eyes, pencil in hand, books spread out on a desk.

Rin automatically freezes in seeing his friend up and out of bed. At least if he'd been sleeping, he could prepare himself before greeting him; he hadn't thought of what he was going to say at all. "A-Ah! Senpai! You're…back early today." He can hear the uncertainty in the first year's voice and realizes that he probably doesn't know what to say either.

"…Yeah." He nods and fully enters the room, setting the bag down at the end of his bed. _'I knew it was going to be awkward but…I don't think either of us expected to have to talk to each other this soon.' _Rin glances to the silver-haired boy, who was now fidgeting with the mechanical pencil between his fingers, before walking over and leaning over the boy's chair. "So…maths, huh?"

Nitori nods. "Mm-hm."

"Indices, huh? That's some…pretty difficult stuff. …Need any help?"

"Mm-mm."

Neither seems to know what else to say, and Rin begins fiddling with a paper cut on one of his fingers. It's only when Nitori drops his pencil and reaches down to get it that the red-haired boy notices the bandages wrapped round _both _of the younger's hands. "Wait, were both of your knuckles damaged?"

Rin notices the kid tense up and he berates himself at how straightforward he was about it. He could've at least said something along the lines of "How are your knuckles?" or "I see you got your knuckles looked at!" or "Do they hurt?" At least they make it sound like he actually cares rather than outright asking, "You mean you fucked up both your hands!?"

…Yeah, okay, so maybe that isn't what he actually said, but it might well have been.

"…Yeah."

The older moves from the younger and heads over to his bed. All he can think of is what to do to make it up to Nitori; how to apologize. Sure, he can say sorry, but actions speak a lot louder than words, especially in someone like Rin's case. He turns and sits down, leaning his chin on one of his hands and staring at the wooden floor. "So…do they hurt?" he asks somewhat quietly, tracing the shape of a floorboard with one of his socked toes.

"No, they'r—"

"It's okay if they do hurt."

"…They sting a little, but it's not something I can't tolerate."

All Rin really wants to do is first, make sure Nitori gets into bed so he doesn't collapse on him and second, apologize. _'Why is something that sounds so simple so hard to actually do?'_

"Senpai?"

"Hm?" Rin stops twirling his toe and glances up when Nitori refers to him. The boy's back is still turned, so he can't see what sort of face he has on. In fact, he can't even guess. It's hard to predict what someone's going to say or how someone feels when a relationship's hanging in a delicate place.

"Why did you not go to practice today? That's the reason you were back so early, right?"

Easy question to answer if the reason wasn't so embarrassing. Rin can feel his face heating up as he returns to drawing on the floor again. _'I can't tell him I ran out because I was worried about him, can I?' _He curls his fingers over his mouth as he looks away, no doubt in his mind that he's probably blushing.

"Senpai?"

When Nitori turns round in his chair, Rin looks back with his eyes and mumbles a reply.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I did attend practice." This response causes Nitori's face to gain a somewhat surprised look to it. "But I left pretty soon after I got there."

"But why?" Nitori sounds genuinely curious and Rin sinks lower into his hand as he turns his gaze back to the wall next to the door. "Senpai?"

"The captain asked one of your classmates if you were in class today and…he said you were. But…" He sighs. "But you collapsed and were sent back here and…and I was…" He takes a deep breath. "I was fucking worried sick about you, okay!?" It comes out louder than he intends and he immediately hides his face in his hands.

There's silence for at least a couple of minutes and Rin starts to worry about his friend. Yeah. Worry. Eyebrows wrinkled, the older slowly removes his hands from his face and looks up at his kouhai. The other looks oddly surprised and it's awfully scary the way he keeps the same face for so long. When he turns back round in his chair again, Rin instantly stands up. _'Fuck fuck fuck, did I say something wrong? Holy shit. See, this is why I didn't want to tell him; I had no idea how he would react!'_

When Nitori leans his head in his hands and begins rubbing his eyes_, _Rin straight away heads beside him. _Drip. _It hits the table. _Drip. _It hits his jotter. _Drip. _It hits the table again. For once, the red-haired boy seriously considers calling Seijuurou over to deal with the kid – he has no idea how to do anything without panicking that he's going to make it worse. He tries to look around the room for anything that would give him an idea of what to do but there's nothing.

"H-Hey, what's wrong? Do you…Do you still feel ill? Are you tired? Are you hurting somewhere?"

It's when the kid bursts into laughter while those tears continue to stream down his face that Rin can't give anything but the most confused look he's ever shown. _'Am I supposed to be…? Wait, what am I supposed to be doing here? Is he sad or is he happy? I can't tell if I'm supposed to be comforting him or what.' _He jumps in surprise when the small boy stands up and falls into him, wrapping his arms around him.

"Whoa, hey! Nitori!?" Rin quickly grabs Nitori by the waist in alarm and steadies him as well as he can with one arm. "Hey, what's up!? Come on!" He feels the fingers grabbing at his back tighten and those laughs continue and honestly, Rin isn't just panicking, he's getting freaked out.

"Matsuoka-senpai, you're really amazing, huh?" The red-haired boy is relieved when the laughing fit stops but he's still awfully confused by what was just said. He looks down, sees the smaller kid's tear-stained face and reaches over for a tissue from the tissue box sitting on the desk beside him.

"Depends on how you look at me."

Nitori looks up at him as he passes the tissue and takes it with a thank you but he's still crying and Rin really wants to know how to stop it. "That's not true: you're amazing in all ways, Senpai." The older raises his eyebrows in hopes of an explanation, but the younger divulges no more as he begins wiping the still-falling tears.

"Well, if I'm that amazing, why not tell me what happened last night, huh?"

_Knock, knock._

_'For fuck's sake.' _Rin looks back towards the door as a familiar knocking style hits him. _'Seijuurou?' _But there'd be no way he'd leave practice early. Maybe it was just someone else that knocked the same way as him? But even the strength behind the knocks was the same. _'What the fuck?' _Honestly, he doesn't want anyone walking in on them while he has a chance to question Nitori, but when he looks down and sees the now-downcast expression on the younger's face, he realizes that he had close to no chance of getting anything out to begin with. _'Please don't tell me I've just ruined Nitori's mood for the millionth fucking time…'_

He asks if Nitori can stand and he replies with nothing more than a nod and though Rin doubts he's telling the truth, he lets go anyway, sees that he's stable and heads to open the door. Everything seems fine as he reaches the entrance to their room, but just as he goes to pull down the handle, he hears a crash from behind him. "Nitori!" he shouts in fear of his friend as he desperately runs to grab hold of the now-far-paler boy who was clinging onto his desk for support. _'Fuck, please don't say I set this off, please don't say I set this off, please don't say I set this off, fucking __**please**__.'_

Rin hears the door burst open behind him as he reaches the ill boy, but he doesn't listen to the voice shouting at him. Or was it shouting at Nitori? Either way, he couldn't register what the other man (maybe?) was saying as he quickly grabs the boy and sits him on the ground. Now that he's got hold of Nitori though, he has no idea what to do. Something's wrong with his kouhai and Rin has no idea what it is. Now that he thinks about it, he has no idea how to help people when they're ill – he's never really tried to make proper friends after certain events happened before Nitori became his roommate so he's never really been in a situation like this. All Rin can do is grip the younger's shoulders as hard as he can while he panics inside his head, trying to think of what he's supposed to do.

"…in! Oi, Matsuoka! Hey, come on!"

_'S-Seijuurou?' _Rin's turned round now, looking right into the eyes of his captain. He realizes just how tightly he's squeezing Nitori's shoulders and immediately loosens his hold. _'Why is he…?' _Then he remembers how there had been someone at the door and that the person who had been shouting was probably his captain. As he sits there, staring helplessly into the older man's piercing yellow gaze, he can feel his heart beat at an incredible rate. It takes the third year shouting at him to get his head in gear to snap Rin out of his daze and he turns back to look at Nitori, who's body is still leaning against his.

_'What am I supposed to do?'_

Gou had been ill now and again but it had always been his mother that had taken care of it. In fact, his mother had taken care of both of them when they were ill. _'What did…she do?' _All he wants to do is ask Seijuurou for help, but it's so hard to get the words out of his mouth. How does he word it? What'll happen when he asks? Will his captain's opinion change of him if he asks? What will Nitori think? Rin has no doubt in his mind that his kouhai looks up to him – so what happens when he learns that Senpai had to ask the captain to help look after him?

_"Matsuoka-senpai, you're really amazing, huh?"_

Just what did he mean by that? It was clear there was more to it than just his swimming ability but Rin knew his personality wasn't amazing in any way; he found it impossible to not scare away anyone he didn't know – not that it bothered him. So what else was there? _'I can't even take care of Nitori when he's seriously ill.' _He swallows nervously and, after taking a deep breath, turns round to look at his captain again with unintentionally fearful eyes.

"I…"

Seijuurou raises his eyebrows slightly as a sign that he's listening.

"…Please."

The red-haired man is already amazed to hear a polite word come out of Rin's mouth.

"I…I need your help. Please just…just _help me._"

Rin can't help but feel totally and utterly helpless. He isn't used to situations like this; he isn't used to helping other people at all, really. If Nitori had told him what was wrong, maybe he would have some idea of what he should try to do now, but he was totally clueless. He needs Seijuurou's help. He _needs _it. _He needs it to help Nitori._

No.

_'That's completely wrong.'_

The second year knows that he needs Seijuurou's help, but not for the reason he's thinking. It isn't for Nitori's sake at all. Since leaving Iwatobi, Rin's never had to deal with a situation like this – a situation where he has to look after someone and care for them. Situations like this, where he's one of the only ones around, made him panic, now even more so since he knows it's his fault for bringing up the night before. It hasn't been happening for long, but all he wants to do is get away from it. He wants away from Nitori—just until he calms down.

Yeah.

Just until he calms down.

Just until he knows what to do.

Just until he knows what the right things to say to Nitori are.

Just until…

_'Just until I can…really be a friend.'_

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it's like as soon as I realized I'd forgotten Haru I began panicking about the plot and how everything was going to happen and then Rin's reactions are shit and then i didn't know what was going to happen at the end and Nitori and Seijuurou and everything and I don't know what I'md oing i'm so ry soryr

It's funny because I'm in the same year of high school as Nitori (well I have three years left anyway) and we just finished indices and maths so I was like "yeaa! let's use indices!"

Btw, I have this thing where I can just see Rin calling Seijuurou...Seijuurou when they aren't around loads of other people. I just don't see him calling him captain when they're between the three of them.

Also, thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! I wasn't expecting them at all, thank you so much! Followers and favouriters too, thank you so much! I really wish I could write a lot better to make it more worth your while gomen  
About that though, if there's anything you really want me to write in this or even better! If you have ideas on how to continue the plot (like things you'd like to see because this is my first time really writing a proper fanfic like this and I want to know what everyone likes to read so I can maybe grab some ideas), just send me a message or mention it in a review and I'll take the pieces I like and that'd be possible for me to do and I will do them! Well, as best I can.

i feel like there was something else i wanted to put in the author note but i forgot it


	4. Part Four

**A/N: **I forgot Seijuurou called Rin Matsuoka so I sorted that in the last chapter.

Everyone, thank you so much for the reviews and follows and favourites! I really wasn't expecting this at all! So just thank you, guys! In regards to the Haru thing, although I understand that Rin wouldn't think of Haru 24/7, it seems normal for him to pop up at some point. I have close to no idea where in the timeline of Free! this is taking place which was really stupid of me because that seems like one of the first things I should be trying to figure out. So, I'll see how it all turns out or whatever.

I'm very slowly finding it harder and harder to figure out what to do.  
**Pairing: **Rin x Nitori as a friendship.  
**Word Count: **3,632

* * *

What happened next hadn't really registered in Rin's mind, but the next time he's actually focused, he finds himself sitting in his captain's room. It's quiet except for the creaks that come from the bed when the red-haired boy moves to get more comfortable. _'Ironic how I said I didn't want to involve Seijuurou and he's already more than involved.' _With a sigh, he rubs his eyes with one of his hands, suddenly aware of how exhausted he is.

Though he missed swimming to check up on Nitori, emotionally, he just needed to calm down. If he could sleep right now, he would, but at the same time, he wanted to stay awake. Curious to see if his hair was still wet from the shower he'd taken before he'd swam – or not swam - he runs a hand over his head. "Still slightly damp, but I don't think it'll kill me to just leave it," he mutters, itching his cheek.

Rin shivers when a breath of cold air slips down his back from the open window and stands up with the intention of closing it, but immediately stops when he hears the door click open. Half an hour or so had passed since Seijuurou had allowed him permission to wait in his room and the boy was curious what he had been doing for those last thirty minutes.

"It took a little while but I got him to sleep," is the first thing the third year says as he makes himself comfortable on the green chair in front of his desk.

"…How is he?" Rin asks, unintentionally biting his lip again. He doesn't look at Seijuurou as he asks – instead he looks down at the ground, guilt plaguing his whole being.

"He's got a pretty bad fever so he's going to have to rest a few days."

Rin wants to stay in Seijuurou's room for those few days, but knows that someone needs to be in the room with Nitori in case he needs something. He doesn't want the kid to think he doesn't want to deal with him whenever he's a nuisance, but the cerise-haired swimmer honestly has no idea how to deal with their problems. Nitori won't tell him what's wrong or how he feels, so all Rin can do is worry. That worry joins hands with guilt and frustration and then he can't help but let it out by shouting at the innocent boy. He doesn't mean to; he really doesn't. But it's too painful not knowing how to help someone that looks past every single one of his faults.

"But I don't think resting is all that's going to make him better." Rin immediately turns his gaze to the fire-haired man and wrinkles his forehead in confusion. When Seijuurou speaks no more, Rin starts to get irritated.

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"…Nitori wanted me to tell you that he's sorry. You guys didn't just have a small fight like last time, right?"

The second year's face contorts in all different ways as those words go through his head again and again and again. _'Nitori…apologizing to me…? To me? Why to me? I'm the one that should be apologizing. I'm the one that… I'm the one that…' _Suddenly, that urge to just scream and shout and lash out that had appeared after the morning argument returns at a much higher intensity.

And this time, Rin doesn't have the self-control to stop it.

Without warning, the boy begins kicking and punching anything in the road, no matter how much it hurts. Seijuurou is on his feet in a flash, attempting to grab the violent kid without getting hit himself. Rin doesn't notice when his left fist hits his captain's cheek, but he certainly registers when he himself is hit back, leaving him stunned. To stop any more physical outbursts, the older grabs hold of the younger's arms as soon as he can. "Calm down, Matsuoka!"

Rin's short, ragged breaths were all that filled the room for a few minutes – Seijuurou kept a tight grip on the boy while he did all he could to calm himself down. He doesn't even notice he's cold anymore as he stumbles over to his captain's bed and sits himself down on it, said captain close behind him. When his breathing becomes normal again, Rin stays quiet for a while, rubbing a hand over his face and through his still-damp hair.

"Want to tell me why you just reacted the way you did?" his captain eventually asks from beside him. Rin stops moving his hands and simply clasps them together between his legs, but he still says nothing, staring at the ground. "You should know by now that it's all right to tell me."

No matter what Seijuurou says to him, the boy just doesn't want to say a thing. Even if he did, he doesn't know how to word what he wants to say – he's not even entirely sure what his real feelings are. Does he really want to be a better friend to Nitori? Or does he just want him around to fulfil his own egotistical needs? Rin knows that until he sorts himself out, he won't be of any use to the ill first year. So what is he supposed to do?

The boy jumps in fright when he feels a large hand suddenly land on his shoulder. When he turns, he's greeted by those familiar, piercing eyes belonging to his captain and a gentle smile decorating them. Rin was sure that Seijuurou could probably help him out – he'd always been good at advice. But admitting these kinds of feelings isn't easy for the cerise-haired boy and he can only stare helplessly while his captain attempts to silently reassure him that everything's okay.

_'That's just it though. Everything _isn't_ okay. Not while Nitori's hiding something.'_

Rin looks away from the older boy beside him and looks down at his hands again. _'If I could just… If I could just make Nitori happy again then maybe…' _Maybe confiding in his captain was his only choice.

"How can…" He keeps his eyes away from the man sitting beside him as he speaks. "How can I…apologize to Nitori? How can I make sure that…that I mean it?" Rin's biting his lip again and there's no doubt in his mind that the skin must look an absolute state by now.

"Well, that's an easy one." The second year sets his red eyes on the older as he takes his hand off Rin's shoulder and stands up. "For starters, if you're really worried about someone, don't be afraid to tell them. Nitori's your friend, isn't he?"

This question throws Rin's thoughts all over the place once again. He turns his hands round and opens them up, staring at his palms. _'Am I…really Nitori's friend?' _They hadn't necessarily started on the best foot and at first, the red-haired boy had questioned being his friend. Originally, he'd told himself to get along with Nitori just to stop any complications in them being roommates, and he wouldn't involve himself too much with him. But after that…

What happened?

Somehow, the boy had began to like the cheerful little kid who cheered him on during practice and fetched him what he needed without even having to ask. His kouhai looked up to him and often praised him for different things – but was that all he liked him for?

Then he remembers.

_'That idiot. He's the amazing one here, not me.' _Rin knows that he hasn't treated the kid as well as he could've in the past. In fact, he still doesn't really treat him perfectly. Regardless, no matter what he did or said, Nitori was always there. That kid listened to him, stuck by him, supported him, comforted him, cheered for him – he did everything. No matter how badly Rin had treated him, he'd always stuck by him. The fact that Nitori could last with someone like him was a miracle in itself, but it was a miracle he was happy for.

"I… Yeah. Yeah, he is."

Rin couldn't guarantee that he'd treat Nitori any better after realizing how great his kouhai really was, but just knowing the kid would stick by him was a reassuring thought. That one kid hadn't been scared off by his somewhat aggressive personality, which was a lot more than most other people had done. If Rin could trust anyone, it was Nitori. All he had to do now was make sure it worked the other way; make sure that Nitori didn't have to hesitate to trust his senpai.

"Then let him know that fact. Nitori has stuck by you regardless of how many fights you two have had. That kid worries about you more than you probably realize, but there's no doubt in my mind that he's unsure if that feeling is mutual. He has no idea if you care for him as much as he cares for you, so personal situations that require complete trust are holed up inside him." Seijuurou turns his head down to look at the second year. "Nitori doesn't want to burden you with his deep troubles; he doesn't want you getting involved and eventually pushing him away because you think he's a nuisance."

Rin's eyes widen at his captain's words. _'I…' _He knows that if he's hit by any more of this shit, he's going to start screaming and shouting – he _knows _it. He isn't used to situations like these. He can't deal with them, no matter how hard he tries. _'But I…need to try something, don't I?' _Rin digs his nails into the palms of his hand as he pushes up off the older man's bed and marches out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Seijuurou says and does nothing—something the red-haired boy is thankful for.

_'I'll just… I'll try speaking to Nitori once he wakes up. Maybe…Maybe that'll help me decide what my feelings are.' _With a shaky sigh, Rin begins to return to the one room he's dreaded entering throughout the whole day. So long as he was lucky, Nitori would still be asleep when he returned.

* * *

As luck would have it, Nitori was indeed asleep when Rin arrived back at his room and he stayed like that for a while. The boy finally had time to himself to do whatever he wanted, but wasted it all thinking of what to do. Scenarios went through his head and as each one finished, he felt like moving rooms more and more. _'How the fuck am I supposed to start this kind of conversation?' _Miraculously, Rin's hands were still free of blood, though little crescent indentations were now dented into his palms.

He hadn't looked at the time, but the swimmer guessed that around two hours had passed since he'd returned – _'It's good that Nitori's sleeping but I'm probably going to get a lot worse if I don't talk to him soon.' _With a tired sigh, Rin moves with the intention to stand up but rises too quickly and bangs his forehead on the metal bed above him with far too much force for there to be no pain.

"Holy fuck!"

Rin immediately throws his hands over his mouth when he shouts and curses inside of his head both at the unbelievable pain and the reminder that Nitori was sleeping right above him. _'Fuck, fuck, fuck, please don't wake up, please don't wake up.' _There's movement above his head and Rin hopes to god that this is gonna be like one of those movies where the person stays asleep despite all the noises made. There's only one problem with that though: this isn't a movie.

"Senpai…?" a quiet voice groans.

_'Shit.' _Rin rubs his aching head as he jumps off his bed. If they were going to chat, it would be a lot easier if he sat close to him rather than creepily popping his head over the barrier, so makes his way up the ladder. When he sees Nitori, he's tiredly rubbing his eyes and the older can't help but swear at himself for waking the poor kid up. He doesn't want his kouhai noticing that he's shaking from nervousness, so slots himself into the space that acts as the entrance from the ladder.

"Sorry – I didn't mean to wake you," he says quietly, fidgeting with his fingers.

"No, that's okay." Rin hears the kindness in the other's small voice and nearly feels like smashing the wall. He doesn't want to look at the smile that is no doubt on the younger's face for he knows that that will do nothing but aggravate him further. _'Why did someone as kind as him choose to be friends with _me_?' _Now wasn't really the time to be questioning such things – he needed to sort out his own feelings for the kid first.

"So, uh…how are you feeling now that you've had some rest?" He can feel his face heating up as he stares at the wall on the other side of the room, drumming his fingers on one of the metal bars.

"I still have a bit of a sore head but I'll be fine! No need to worry." When Nitori laughs, Rin whips his head round to look at the kouhai and slams his fist into the barrier.

"Why the fuck are you smiling and laughing!? You're hurting, aren't you!? Aren't you!?" Those words are shouted before the second year even has time to think and he immediately turns his red gaze down to the blankets. _'Jesus fucking Christ! Am I fucking stupid!? Holy fucking hell!' _He grits his sharp teeth and holds the urge to march out of the room back.

"Whether I'm hurting or not, I'm happy, Matsuoka-senpai."

Rin's eyes widen as he looks up to the silver-haired boy who was now sitting up. Nitori was giving the one thing the older had wanted to see again: a genuine smile. It wasn't as wide as when they were at the shops or at festivals or simply aimlessly talking, but it radiated such warmth that Rin couldn't doubt how real it was. "But…why?" That was the question he needed answered the most. Something had clearly happened _just _the night before and though Rin still didn't have the answer as to what that something was, he had still seen a Nitori that _frightened _him.

How could the kid be happy again so soon?

The boy simply watches as Nitori leans forward and wraps his cold fingers round his right wrist. "Because you're still here." Rin's back straightens slightly when he hears his kouhai's answer. Though the temperature of the boy concerns him, the feelings that hit him from that answer is enough to make him forget about it almost as soon as he takes notice of it. What he _does _remember is Seijuurou's last words to him before he had left.

_"…he doesn't want you getting involved and eventually pushing him away because you think he's a nuisance."_

"Nitori, I…" All he wants to do is tell his kouhai that he cares – that he won't leave him because he views him as a nuisance. But the idea that he still can't say those words without knowing for sure that he means it causes even more conflict inside his brain. _'If that's the case…what can you tell him that you're sure you mean?'_

And a moment of remembrance happens again.

The reason Rin had returned early from swimming was that he was genuinely worried about his friend. He knows he has a short temper so can't say whether he'll stop snapping at Nitori in future or whether he'll truly stick by him if he gets involved in whatever was going on with the kid, but the one thing he _can _say is that he genuinely cares for the condition of the first year. _'And maybe there really are more reasons for me to care than just me being egotistical and wanting his praise.'_

"What is it, Senpai?"

Rin takes a deep breath, prays that he won't mess everything up, then rests the hand that Nitori held on the boy's leg through the blanket. "I'm…worried about you…okay?" He tries as hard as he can to keep contact with the other's deep blue gaze, but can feel the urge to just look away right there. The pure want to get Nitori to trust him let him speak those words without feeling as embarrassed as the first few times that day, but he still found it difficult to voice those sorts of feelings.

"There's no way I can forget what just happened last night without knowing if what caused it's been resolved." Finally, the words he'd tried to say since this morning come out of his mouth, "If there's something wrong, Nitori, then just tell me."

The hand resting on his wrist loosens, then tightens again. Rin glances down at the change of pressure for a split second, but resumes eye contact straight after. Or tries to, at least. It wasn't him that had to keep eye contact anymore – it was Nitori. The kid was looking down at the blanket, mouth partially open. _'What are you thinking, Nitori?'_

Rin didn't move; didn't speak. If his kouhai wanted to speak, he could. If he didn't, he could stay silent. He knew better than anyone that building up true trust could be a lengthy process – Nitori's personality would probably make it easier since a basic trust bond had already formed from being such an attracted roommate – and as much as Rin truly worried about the kid, he couldn't force the answer out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Senpai."

Unlike the night before, this conversation wasn't happening in almost complete darkness; when that first tear falls down Nitori's face, Rin can see it clear as day. He frowns and brings his eyebrows together as he questions what to do. "Hey. You okay? Your head getting worse?" The boy shakes his head and Rin sighs. _'Guess it's all right for me to lie beside him for now.' _A lot of the time, all the second year had to do was sit beside the kid for a while if he was crying and he'd eventually just calm down or spill out everything that he was sad about. After having just admitting his own concerns about the kid, it was a nice way to calm himself down too.

Rin asks if Nitori can let go of his wrist for a minute and begins to make his way up the bed. "Here, shuffle over." The younger boy doesn't say anything as he complies and pushes himself over a tad. Rin slots himself in the space cleared for him and props one of the side pillows up on the headboard. He leans back and sticks one arm behind his head and another out to his side as a signal that it's okay for him to seek comfort in his body—that it's fine if he doesn't say anything.

Nitori smiles through those tears in thanks and curls up next to Rin. He can't guess just what the younger's thinking, but so long as he could get him back to sleep for now, he was happy. Nitori was still ill and Rin didn't need him to get any worse by being even more stressed out than he already was.

"What are you apologizing for, idiot?" he mumbled quietly with eyes now shut, running his hand through the kid's hair as a comforting gesture. It had become habit to do it with Gou now and again so he had started doing it without thought with Nitori and continues to do it without thought. A bit of time passes while the first year calms himself down.

"I don't…"

"Hm?" Rin opens his eyes slightly as the kid begins to answer.

"Just give me some time." Nitori's looking straight into Rin's half-lidded eyes now, tears no longer flowing. "I'm sure I'll feel willing to tell you at some point. But for now, I just need to think. I need to sort out my feelings, that's it."

The older doesn't even need to question what he's talking about and he doesn't feel the need to question why he needs to sort out his feelings. After all, right now, Rin's in the exact same boat. In a way, it was reassuring to hear that even Nitori was having problems figuring things out—to hear that he wasn't the only one struggling. But for now, for them to just be like this – tired and not arguing – was all that Rin had been asking for.

_'A lot can happen in less than one day, can't it?'_

"Just sleep for now, okay? You won't feel better soon if you don't." The red-haired boy smiles down at Nitori, who smiles in return, nods, and lays his head back down. "I'm gonna miss having someone supplying me with towels every time I'm finished for the next few days." When Rin hears a real laugh come from the boy beneath him, that smile stays on his face when his eyes shut again.

_'I'll just stay with him until he's asleep.'_

Rin wasn't used to Nitori curling into him this close, but it didn't make his face turn a bright shade of red or have him subtly trying to shove the boy away. The first year was happily sleeping and the second year felt a lot more relaxed, his thoughts completely thrown away to the wind for the time being. It wasn't the usual time for him to sleep, but if it helped the ill boy to calm down, he didn't mind taking a small nap—for now, Nitori sleeping happily was enough for him.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahhh, there we go. I don't really know what happened here. This will do for now.

Everything seems like it's gonna turn out all right but I think it's easy to guess that it's not gonna seem that way for long. I think...they're slowly becoming more and more out of character. But I'll just ignore that for now and see if I can improve it in the next chapter.


	5. Part Five

**A/N: **I am really fucking sorry about how long this took. I swear I just had no idea what to write for this and I still don't really? As should probably be made obvious by how badly this chapter is written. Like, I think I have a bit of an idea now, but seriously, it took me loads of deleting to end up with this.

I've decided that I'm going to base this a few weeks after the events of the last episode with the one difference that Nitori doesn't call Rin Rin-senpai and Rin doesn't call Nitori Ai. I'll bring that into it later on as a way of showing relationship development. This also means I don't have to worry about dealing with the whole emotional instability of Rin, so.

**NOTE: THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE I WILL BE REWRITING THE WHOLE STORY. ALL CHAPTERS OF THIS WILL REMAIN UP UNTIL THE REWRITTEN VERSION BEGINS. sorry guys **

**Pairing: **Rin x Nitori as a friendship  
**Word Count: **3,072

* * *

Rin finds himself waking up from his small nap with half of Nitori's body on top of him. _'Fuck. How am I supposed to move from this?' _He reaches into his pocket with as limited movement as possible and clicks a button on the side of his phone. _'It's nearly half seven already?' _He pushes the gadget back in and slowly tries to pry the younger boy's fingers off of his shirt. Moans come from Nitori's mouth and Rin immediately stops moving. _'…Are you fucking kidding me?'_

When the boy stops moving and making noises, Rin attempts a different approach and first tries to pull out the arm that had been wrapped around his kouhai's body—let's just say it's not an easy thing to do when the person's right up close to you. The red-haired boy nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees eyelids slowly move and a line of light blue appear.

"…What time is it?" Nitori asks tiredly, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"It's still half seven at night, don't worry. Just go back to sleep, okay?" Rin quietly tells him, slowly removing the body on top of him. The younger gives a small hum and his eyes are shut once again. _'…Damn, is he asleep again already?' _In case he is, the older gently moves him down so his neck isn't in such an awkward position and sorts the blanket and pillows. That soothing, quiet breathing that accompanies Nitori's sleeping self hits Rin's ears and he can't help but smile.

_'I think he'll be okay on his own.'_

He yawns and jumps off the bed—making sure to land as quietly as possible of course. Honestly, Rin wants to just go to bed right there - he's absolutely exhausted and there's really nothing much to do – but he knows that he'll just wake up way too early the next day and be half-dead by the time he makes it to the end.

_'Should I maybe go for a run?'_

The boy considers it for a bit, but soon shakes his head. He'd rather be with Nitori as much as he can while he's ill, just in case he needs anything. So far, he's been pretty shit at dealing with everything; staying in their room to keep an eye on him was nothing.

Rin sighs, picks up some magazine sitting on Nitori's desk, and flops onto his friend's chair.

An hour and a half or so later, Rin had resorted to studying to pass the time. It was boring as fuck, but it gave him something to do—plus he hadn't really been focused that day, so it was a nice way to go back over everything and make sure he actually _knew _what he'd been noting down throughout the lessons.

"Matsuoka-senpai?"

Rin hears Nitori's voice and sets down his pencil. "Yeah, I'm here. You need something?" he asks as he twirls round.

"Do you have a spare drink somewhere?"

The red-haired boy stands as he sees Nitori slowly raise himself up, eyes half-lidded, hand on head. He takes note of the scratchy voice and heads to his bag at the end of his bed. "I think I still have half a bottle of water or something, hang on." After rummaging around for a moment, Rin pulls out said bottle. "It's not really that fresh anymore though. Want me to go get you a fresh one?"

"I'll just have the one you've got." The weakness of the reply is enough to make him concerned. He was sure colour had returned to Nitori's face when he had last seen him, but now…it was like he had just gotten worse again.

Rin jumps up to sit at the ladder-space before passing the water over – which is received with a small thanks – and unintentionally begins to stare at his kouhai. All he can see is pale skin, a screwed-up face as he struggles to drink the liquid and eyes that had lost even more of that familiar, happy shine. _'Why can't I do anything to help him? Why doesn't he confide in me? Can he not trust me that much? Can nothing I do make him just that little bit happier? Is there nothing I can give him to stop him from looking so ill? Is there really nothing I can do? Nothing at all?' _ He doesn't notice when he begins tightly gripping on to the boy's blanket or when he begins gritting his teeth behind closed lips or when he begins screwing up his face as he looks at the boy, until a questioning, "Senpai?" comes from the kid in front of him.

Every part of his body relaxes at that one moment, snapped out of his thoughts.

"Are you all right?"

It seems like the question Rin would be asking Nitori, but as a matter of fact, it was the other way round – Nitori was the one asking Rin. "What? Yeah, I'm fine – I should be asking _you_ that." His eyes glance down to the bottle. "You were drinking that for ages and you've barely taken any of it. Is it hard for you to swallow or something?"

The boy in front shakes his head. "It just hurts a little, that's all."

_'Is he…hiding even more from me?' _Rin's eyebrows come together as he watches Nitori's fingers fiddling with the label. So maybe he may not treat Nitori as well as he should - maybe he isn't the best friend that anyone could have - but it still hurts every moment he realizes how little his kouhai trusts him and how little he's willing to disclose about his problems.

Red eyes turn upwards and flinch at the face screwed up in pain that they see. Rin wants to force the information out of him—he wants to do it so bad. He wants to know why Nitori had returned in such a state last night; he wants to know how his friend is really feeling; he wants to know why Nitori still loyally follows him despite everything he does to the poor kid; he wants to know what his true feelings actually are; he just _wants to know everything._

But he knows that, no matter what he does, he can't know everything he wants to know—he can't do everything he wants to do. Why not, though? Why _can't _he know what happened to Nitori that day? Why _can't _he know what Nitori's feeling and thinking? Why _can't _he help Nitori? Why _can't _he be a better friend? Why _can't _he know how he feels on the matter? Why _can't _he why _can't _he why _can't _he?

_'How can a situation like this go straight up and then straight back down again so many times in a matter of one fucking day!?'_

"…How's your head?" Rin eventually asks, eyes staring down at the blanket now.

"Still hurts a bit," Nitori murmurs back, slowly ripping off the plastic.

"You hungry? You've been asleep for a few hours now."

The other shakes his head and Rin's eyes narrow.

"You won't get better if you don't eat, Nitori. You've been asleep for most of the time since I've been back - you've not had time to eat." Rin sees the mouth begin to open and quickly interrupts. "I have a packet of grapes in my bag, just hold on."

"Senpai—"

"A swimmer's got to look after his body," he cuts in, pulling out the plastic packet in one of the front pockets. Jumping up again, he shoves it towards Nitori, who hesitantly takes it.

"I really don't feel like eating," the silver-haired boy mutters, setting the water down and staring at the green and red fruit. With a concerned frown on his face, Rin reaches forward and sticks his hand against the other's head.

_'Fuck. He's heating up again.' _He considers telling Nitori to go see a doctor, but it didn't seem like he'd be willing to go. _'If it continues like this for a couple days, I'll force him to get checked out.' _Taking the packet from the ill kid, the second year gently pulls the packet apart before handing it back.

"Do you feel sick or something?" he asks, more gently than before.

No response arrives and Rin can do nothing but sigh. He can see the other fiddling with the food, showing no sign of even just picking at it. Nitori is doing all he can to avoid eye contact and he knows it, but he needs to get an answer out of the small boy. Being ill wasn't a good thing and even if his reason was something like, "I don't want to worry you, Senpai", this kid was still an important part of the swim team.

"Nitori, I can't help if you don't tell me what's up." He speaks firmer this time, attempting to lower his body far down enough so that he can see into his kouhai's dull eyes.

A further silence causes Rin to frown and bring his eyebrows together as he ponders how to get Nitori to speak to him. Bribing him maybe? ...Then again, he didn't really have anything on hand to bribe him with. Blackmailing him? …Still no ammo available.

The red-haired boy sighs in defeat and sits up from his awkward position. He doesn't know what else to do at this point except set one of his soft-skinned hands on a blanket-covered leg and give a few reassuring rubs; whether they came across as reassuring or not was a completely different matter entirely.

"…Nitori?"

Rin hadn't noticed it until it registered in his brain that an ominously-cold object was wrapped around his wrist, but without making a sound, the younger had suddenly began strangling his arm. It hurt slightly, but he didn't pull away—the Nitori grabbing onto him like this was a lot nicer than the Nitori that had been idly playing with the pieces of fruit he'd given him.

Not that he wasn't concerned though.

"Senpai, I…"

Dark red lashes narrow in confused anticipation as the boy in front stared down at his blanket with eyes that almost looked like… _'Can I see fear in his eyes?' _Rin's spare hand is brought round and placed comfortingly on the same leg as his other—he doesn't move it though, simply leaves it there as a sign that he _is _there; that he's not left him.

"Hm?"

Fingers loosen and unwrap, and Rin can't help but give a quiet sigh of defeat. He can already guess what's about to come and attack him as soon as Nitori pulls his hands back to his body: that downcast look on his face says it all.

"…It's nothing."

That violent shake of the head that accompanied his speech almost made it seem more like a denial aimed at himself than at Rin, but he pushed it no more. He wanted, more than anything, for Nitori to just open up to him – to have no qualms about doing it. However, forcing him wasn't the way he was going to be able to do that. _'This really is one of those things that takes time, isn't it?'_

Since the end of the district tournament, their relationship had been ever so slightly mended. Or at least, Rin thought it had. But a few weeks after, something about Nitori had seemed…different. That cheery voice and perpetual happiness that accompanied the first year seemed as bright as it had always been as he followed him around and bought him different things from shops and bought him drinks from vending machines—things like that. There was just…_something_ about the way the kid's face darkened sometimes when he looked at his phone or after he'd finished a call or when he found Rin after disappearing somewhere.

Rin hadn't thought too much about it at the time – _'Maybe he'll go back to normal in a few days.' _ - but seeing Nitori now…it really made him wonder.

Red eyes dart around, trying to find somewhere to land, and end up looking right at that packet of grapes. _'No need to waste them, I guess.' _Long fingers outstretched, he noiselessly steals—well, considering they were his, it wasn't really stealing—a large red one sitting at the top. "There's a dinky little one in there – you can at least try to eat that," he tells his kouhai, placing the juicy fruit in his mouth.

No movement.

_'This is too goddamn difficult.' _The boy considers feeding him, but shakes his head straight away. So maybe he has gotten more relaxed around Nitori – that didn't mean he was willing to do something as intimate as that. As a compromise, Rin pulls out the small grape he had been referring to and places it in his friend's hand. "See? It's tiny."

A proud smile threatens to show on Rin's features as Nitori places the food in his mouth—it was clearly reluctant, but it was still done. Getting someone to eat something may seem like a pretty useless accomplishment for most, but it wasn't often that the red-haired boy managed to persuade people to do things they weren't really keen on.

His happiness is interrupted by the abrupt coughing fit that comes from the kid and Rin's beside him in a flash, patting and rubbing his back. _'Fuck. I didn't mean to make him choke or anything.' _He can't help but notice the hand clutching tightly at the shirt as those coughs and hacks wrack Nitori's body and worry builds up all over again.

"Does it hurt?" he asks gently, once the coughing calms down, concern clear in his voice. It stings him right in the chest when he sees the other boy nod through wheezing breaths: it doesn't take any interrogating at all to get an answer out of him. Rin sits there for a while, gently massaging him until the younger's breathing rate returns to normal. "Do you have any medicine or something you can take?" he eventually asks, allowing Nitori to lean back against him.

A shake of the head.

"Do you want me to get some?"

Another shake of the head.

"It's no trou—"

Before Rin can finish his sentence, a loud bleeping noise comes from somewhere below them. _'That sounded like Nitori's phone.' _Curiosity compels him to sneak his head over the railing and search for the kid's mobile. There, sitting on Nitori's desk, was that white iPhone he'd seen so many times before. The screen was lit up, but the light coming from the bulb in the room stopped him from being able to see what it was. _'Probably a text or something.'_

The swimmer could see his kouhai looking over as well. "Here, I'll go grab it for you." Shuffling his legs out from the sides of the smaller's body, he jumps off the bed with less care than when he was attempting not to disturb the sleeping beauty. A shout of his name and a loud bang is all he hears before he's fully gotten to his feet and it honestly makes him jump out of his skin. Rin whips round to face the area in front of his bed – where the sound had came from – and when all he sees is a wide-eyed Nitori scrabbling desperately on the floor attempting to get his feet, confusion, fear and consternation all hit him.

"Nitori!"

_'What the…What the fuck am I looking at?'_

Common sense hits him and Rin runs over without any delay, slamming onto his knees as he pulls the silver-haired boy towards him. "Nitori, are you all right!?"

"Please don't look at it, you can't look at it, don't touch it, I need to get it first, please don't look at it, don't look at it, please, I need to get over there, I need to get my phone, please don't look at it, please don't, just don't, please—"

Strings of those exact same words are all Nitori mutters as he pushes against Rin's chest. It was so fucking frightening seeing his roommate in such a…such a _wild _state: eyelids were so far apart from each other that he could see the whole circle of those water-like irises that were darting about; the hands that pushed against him weren't gentle at all as they pushed and shoved, trying to get Rin to let go; the lean body he held was doing all it could to yank itself away; petite feet were dangerously smashing against the wooden floorboards.

This wasn't Nitori; no way, no how.

"Nitori, calm down!" Rin could hear how close to a scream his desperate shouting was, but he didn't like this – he didn't like it at all. He couldn't deal with something like this; he didn't know how to deal with something like this. He hadn't been expecting it to blow up like this within a few seconds. All he did was jump down to get the kid's phone and now he was dealing with a Nitori that wasn't Nitori. He hadn't anticipated this; he hadn't thought a plan through for something like this; he hadn't prepared himself to deal with something like this! It wasn't fair to call Seijuurou through, he knew it, but he was wrong thinking he could do this, he was _so fucking __**wrong.**_

A flailing fist finds itself smacking into Rin's left eye, and it stuns him long enough for Nitori to wrestle himself out of the older's grip. Swears are shot out of his mouth like bullet trains as he fails at forcing his eye open. Hand still covering injury, Rin looks for the other boy with the spare eye he still has and catches sight of him as he stumbles out of the room, phone in hand.

"Nitori! Wait!" Rin yells as he scrabbles onto his feet, slips into some trainers and dashes out of the door. …Or nearly dashes out of the door, anyway. But when his hand touches the metal handle, he freezes; doesn't move a muscle. _'Can I…really handle this by myself?' _Fear is all it takes to cause him to hesitate—cause him to lose any courage he had possibly found.

However, that same fear also causes him to tightly grip the handle once more and whip the door wide open. Even if he had to get Seijuurou's help, he would find Nitori, no matter what it took.

* * *

**A/N: **Have I ever seen so much drama happen in one day? Answer: no.

As usual, thank you reviewers, followers and favouriters! It was quite funny seeing an increase of people interested after the last episode ww


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